The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
