I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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