I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize