oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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