at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
