Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize