Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
