Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
