Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
