Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
