But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize