he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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