He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
