She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
