Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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