If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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