If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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