Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
