I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
