Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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