I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
