her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
do herpes really smell.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
