We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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