I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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