what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
