what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
