The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
