You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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