I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
