Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
