So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
