This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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