Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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