and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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