I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
