remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
