This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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