We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
