he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
