Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
