I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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