What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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