last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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