So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
