yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
