I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
