i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
