We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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