I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
