i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
