Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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