i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
