I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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