My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
