I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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