She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
