We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
