So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
