My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
