No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize