I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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