You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
