bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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