i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
