Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You know, be my cock's hype man.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
