saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
