Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
